Tuesday, October 09, 2007

Indian School Of Mines

The Indian School of Mines is another name for ISM, which is the acronym for Indian school of matiyaos. This institute of national importance was set up by the British in Dhanbad, a town famous for clean environment, fantabulous infrastructure and the only international airpot in the state. It was the mastermind of The Indian National Congress to reduce the average intelligence of Indians. Just like Zion in Matrix, where 3% of the people who do not accept the Matrix are gathered together to prevent dissent as a whole, ISMU was formed by the Government of India to gather at one place the 2% of the intelligentsia of the country, and dumb them down.


The geeks and nerds of India start preparing for IIT-JEE just after 10th standard of schooling. A very effective test of whether a guy is fit for clearing JEE is asking a very simple question: "Do you have a girlfriend?" A guy who says anything else other than "What's a girl?" would not get through the test. Girls are considered unfit to get into ISM, though some girls manage to get the application forms as they look like guys. To make sure no girl gets through the system by bribing to get the application forms, the applicants are required to specify their gender and affix a photograph in the application form. Those faces that resemble anything girly are not selected.

The entrance exam, IIT-JEE, is an extremely selective undergrad admission process (accepting less than 2% of their applicants). As they say, if the input is right, the output is automatically right. The six-hour Joint Entrance Exam held, as the name suggests, jointly conducted by IITs, ISMU and ITBHU, consists only of questions on Physics, Chemistry and Maths and not on other exotic details like booze, drugs, crime PrOn etc. which severely affect the quality of the incoming students. Since the Indians are well known for cramming up loads of information, questions in JEE are never repeated.


The ISM curricula are carefully decided so that there is no scope of learning anything. The students, then, take up alternate learning routes, most common being Pr0n. The ISMU alumni on knowing the tremendous potential of internet, provided all hostel rooms with free and unlimited internet connection. The ISMites are also forced to eat mess food that prepares them for the worst they can ever face in their life.

The guys also learn how to make 50 palladins in 25 minutes and get three terrorists per shot. Some of the creative minds also make a quick buck by selling MMS clips online. Since there are assignments to be submitted every now and then, the guys also learn how to use Google adeptly. Photocopying centres are provided for every 100 metres of road so that time wasted in photocopying assignments is minimized. Lecture classes are held from 8:00 a.m. to 4:30 p.m. IST (Indian Stretchable Time). It has been established by years of testing that the time can be stretched to as much as 30 minutes beyond provided it is backed by a cardinal excuse.

Life and culture (or lack thereof)

When entering the ISMU, a guy has two options. The first is to take up the common learning route described above. Since IIT-JEE makes sure a lot of mavericks are selected, many of them also end up being happy among them. The girls in ISMU, usually refered to as Non-Males and measured as parts of girl per million parts of guy, have to struggle keeping their identity as girl secret throughout their stay in ISMU. Sometimes they are forced to tell the truth, like when a gay ISMite proposes mistaking them for a guy.


The alumni of these institutes have been very sucessful across the world (more in USA than in India). Most of them either get frustrated or leave technical education to study management at IIMs, or start a company of their own totally unrelated to their major discipline. There are also a select few who develop a fetish for studies and end up in institutes like Massachusetts Institute of Technology.

Quotes on ISMites

These guys are total studs. Just like me.

~ Oscar Wilde on ISMites

I love those guys.

~ Oscar Wilde on ISMites

Shhh....Meet me at the Mining dept. later tonight

~ ISMite on Oscar Wilde

ISM is t3h 133t

God on ISM

We are 'GAWDS'.

~ ISMites on themselves


A girl on seeing the IIT-JEE question paper

DISCO? Fuck!

~ An ISMite on DISCO

You think getting into ISMU is difficult? Try getting out, bitch!

~ disguntled ISMite on ISMU

Monday, October 01, 2007


It was one of those nights when you wish you were asleep, keeping in mind that you have a lecture to attend the next morning, which you cannot miss as you had already done so a lot of times in the past. But my body didn’t want the sleep, what with the Sunday I slept through. So here I am sting at my desk, sipping at a hot mug of black coffee, and occasionally glancing through the window looking at the dawn breaking. I shall soon go out and enjoy the cool morning freshness. It is not something new to me. But it’s definitely a rare event in college. I am one of those guys who sleep early enough to wake up for the lectures the next day.
I watched Anatomy of a Murder.
Preminger shows a willingness to shake up the status quo with this trial drama – it feels bracingly realistic. Packed with astonishing dialog and bristly performances, this is essential cinema.
Paul Biegler (Stewart) is a small-town Michigan lawyer who agrees to defend a young soldier, Manion (Gazzara), who killed the man who raped his wife (Remick). The trial pits Biegler against a shrewd big-city DA (Scott) and a visiting judge (McCarthy hearing lawyer Welch) who's both smart and witty. Surprise witnesses, back-hallway dealings, unexpected flirtations, outrageous revelations--they're all here, although the truth always seems just out of reach.
This is expert filmmaking--beautifully shot and brilliantly written with a complexity and a sense of detail that we rarely see anymore. Yes, it's a very long film, but it's so compelling that we hardly feel the time passing. Characters are all layered and fascinating, with dark shadings and hilarious asides. Even the side roles have a life of their own. And the entire cast is flawless. Stewart’s was an intriguing character, and Remick's flirtatious minx is unforgettable (Jodie Foster's Oscar-winning role in The Accused, 30 years later, is a direct copy). And of course, one cannot ignore Duke Ellington's gorgeous jazz soundtrack.
In addition to technical and artistic excellence, the plot itself is utterly engaging. Sexual tension gurgles everywhere, along with a constant threat of violence and a gnawing dread that the truth will never emerge, regardless of what the jury decides. Preminger brings an assured gravitas to the screen as he explores the complexity of humanity – no one is all good or all bad. He intriguingly avoids the lawyer's opening and closing arguments and only shows the string of witnesses – just the facts, as it were – while quietly turning the screw tighter and tighter until the final subtle surprise. Perfection.