Tuesday, October 09, 2007

Indian School Of Mines

The Indian School of Mines is another name for ISM, which is the acronym for Indian school of matiyaos. This institute of national importance was set up by the British in Dhanbad, a town famous for clean environment, fantabulous infrastructure and the only international airpot in the state. It was the mastermind of The Indian National Congress to reduce the average intelligence of Indians. Just like Zion in Matrix, where 3% of the people who do not accept the Matrix are gathered together to prevent dissent as a whole, ISMU was formed by the Government of India to gather at one place the 2% of the intelligentsia of the country, and dumb them down.


The geeks and nerds of India start preparing for IIT-JEE just after 10th standard of schooling. A very effective test of whether a guy is fit for clearing JEE is asking a very simple question: "Do you have a girlfriend?" A guy who says anything else other than "What's a girl?" would not get through the test. Girls are considered unfit to get into ISM, though some girls manage to get the application forms as they look like guys. To make sure no girl gets through the system by bribing to get the application forms, the applicants are required to specify their gender and affix a photograph in the application form. Those faces that resemble anything girly are not selected.

The entrance exam, IIT-JEE, is an extremely selective undergrad admission process (accepting less than 2% of their applicants). As they say, if the input is right, the output is automatically right. The six-hour Joint Entrance Exam held, as the name suggests, jointly conducted by IITs, ISMU and ITBHU, consists only of questions on Physics, Chemistry and Maths and not on other exotic details like booze, drugs, crime PrOn etc. which severely affect the quality of the incoming students. Since the Indians are well known for cramming up loads of information, questions in JEE are never repeated.


The ISM curricula are carefully decided so that there is no scope of learning anything. The students, then, take up alternate learning routes, most common being Pr0n. The ISMU alumni on knowing the tremendous potential of internet, provided all hostel rooms with free and unlimited internet connection. The ISMites are also forced to eat mess food that prepares them for the worst they can ever face in their life.

The guys also learn how to make 50 palladins in 25 minutes and get three terrorists per shot. Some of the creative minds also make a quick buck by selling MMS clips online. Since there are assignments to be submitted every now and then, the guys also learn how to use Google adeptly. Photocopying centres are provided for every 100 metres of road so that time wasted in photocopying assignments is minimized. Lecture classes are held from 8:00 a.m. to 4:30 p.m. IST (Indian Stretchable Time). It has been established by years of testing that the time can be stretched to as much as 30 minutes beyond provided it is backed by a cardinal excuse.

Life and culture (or lack thereof)

When entering the ISMU, a guy has two options. The first is to take up the common learning route described above. Since IIT-JEE makes sure a lot of mavericks are selected, many of them also end up being happy among them. The girls in ISMU, usually refered to as Non-Males and measured as parts of girl per million parts of guy, have to struggle keeping their identity as girl secret throughout their stay in ISMU. Sometimes they are forced to tell the truth, like when a gay ISMite proposes mistaking them for a guy.


The alumni of these institutes have been very sucessful across the world (more in USA than in India). Most of them either get frustrated or leave technical education to study management at IIMs, or start a company of their own totally unrelated to their major discipline. There are also a select few who develop a fetish for studies and end up in institutes like Massachusetts Institute of Technology.

Quotes on ISMites

These guys are total studs. Just like me.

~ Oscar Wilde on ISMites

I love those guys.

~ Oscar Wilde on ISMites

Shhh....Meet me at the Mining dept. later tonight

~ ISMite on Oscar Wilde

ISM is t3h 133t

God on ISM

We are 'GAWDS'.

~ ISMites on themselves


A girl on seeing the IIT-JEE question paper

DISCO? Fuck!

~ An ISMite on DISCO

You think getting into ISMU is difficult? Try getting out, bitch!

~ disguntled ISMite on ISMU


Ruchira Sen said...

It's nice. Quite funny. Very frustrated. Please screen out homophobic statements abt Oscar Wilde- please-He's my favourite.

Moulding defragmentation said...

good good
Keep up the humour quotient :D

Siddhant said...

Nice one... got all the facts correct there... you forgot about the dogs and cows though....lol

jaina said...

Creativity is all about knowing how to hide your sources.

Kalpesh said...

what a rip off dude.. atleast acknowledge the source...

Kiora said...

You write very well.

54UV1K said...

I can totally see that Uncyclopedia influence. Good post.

Anonymous said...


[b]Xrumer SEO Professionals

As Xrumer experts, we possess been using [url=http://www.xrumer-seo.com]Xrumer[/url] fitted a long time conditions and recollect how to harness the titanic power of Xrumer and go off it into a Banknotes machine.

We also provide the cheapest prices on the market. Numberless competitors desire order 2x or square 3x and a destiny of the opportunity 5x what we pervade you. But we believe in providing gigantic mending at a debilitated affordable rate. The entire something of purchasing Xrumer blasts is because it is a cheaper variant to buying Xrumer. So we train to support that bit in rebuke and afford you with the cheapest rate possible.

Not just do we take the unexcelled prices but our turnaround in the good old days b simultaneously after your Xrumer posting is super fast. We drive have your posting done to come you discern it.

We also outfit you with a sated log of successful posts on different forums. So that you can get the idea for yourself the power of Xrumer and how we hold harnessed it to help your site.[/b]

[b]Search Engine Optimization

Using Xrumer you can expect to realize thousands upon thousands of backlinks over the extent of your site. Tons of the forums that your Site you will be posted on oblige exalted PageRank. Having your link on these sites can truly serve found up some cover quality help links and genuinely aid your Alexa Rating and Google PageRank rating utterly the roof.

This is making your site more and more popular. And with this inflate in popularity as grammatically as PageRank you can expect to appreciate your area definitely rank gamy in those Search Motor Results.

The amount of transportation that can be obtained by harnessing the power of Xrumer is enormous. You are publishing your situation to tens of thousands of forums. With our higher packages you may regular be publishing your position to HUNDREDS of THOUSANDS of forums. Create 1 collection on a in demand forum disposition inveterately enter 1000 or so views, with communicate 100 of those people visiting your site. These days imagine tens of thousands of posts on celebrated forums all getting 1000 views each. Your see trade will function sometimes non-standard due to the roof.

These are all targeted visitors that are interested or singular far your site. Deem how innumerable sales or leads you can execute with this colossal number of targeted visitors. You are in fact stumbling upon a goldmine ready to be picked and profited from.

Keep in mind, Shipping is Money.



Anonymous said...

Thank u ;-) take a look that emo boy one on this blog:

Anonymous said...

Skip Crawling Downloads With NZB Files You Can Easily Search High Quality Movies, Console Games, MP3 Singles, Applications & Download Them at Maxed Out Rates


Anonymous said...

Confirmation Our Adverse Prices at www.Pharmashack.com, The Unequalled [b][url=http://www.pharmashack.com]Online Bolus pusher's [/url][/b] To [url=http://www.pharmashack.com]Buy Viagra[/url] Online ! You Can also Apex to Terrific Deals When You [url=http://www.pharmashack.com/en/item/cialis.html]Buy Cialis[/url] and When You You [url=http://www.pharmashack.com/en/item/levitra.html]Buy Levitra[/url] Online. We Also Be subjected to a Consequential Generic [url=http://www.pharmashack.com/en/item/phentermine.html]Phentermine[/url] In shore up of Your Regimen ! We Up M‚layer look at [url=http://www.pharmashack.com/en/item/viagra.html]Viagra[/url] and Also [url=http://www.pharmashack.com/en/item/generic_viagra.html]Generic Viagra[/url] !