Tuesday, February 12, 2008

Valentine's Day

I genuinely believe that all the “days” are a result of conspiracy between card makers, confectioners and the florists to make some extra sale. Valentine’s Day is no different. On the contrary, it is the festive season for aforementioned vocations. Though, it is also true that V-Day makes for a great joke amongst the wise singles. In a few days time, you will be able to laugh your asses off at the feeble attempts of the emos to chat up that Goth girl they've been eying for weeks.

Typically, the emo in question will spend even more time in its room than usual while making preparations for the big day. Such preparations may include actually cleaning the bloodstains off their sleeves; an act rarely recorded by the scientific community. They usually buy a card or bucket (it's pronounced bouquet) of flowers off the internet, as they don't want to risk going outside to the local florists and getting beaten up by the bajrang dal. Another commonly practiced ritual is to buy a box of chocolates, darker the better (Goths love black). But most crucial part is the poem, which is usually along the lines of

Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
Sugar is sweet
And so are you.

But the violets are wilting,
And the roses are dead.
The sugar bowl's empty,
And my wrists are stained red.

A less morbid variant reads something like:
“I love you. There, I said it. Now let me do it up your bum?”

After sending the love poem to the girlfriend anonymously, the two emos will meet, usually in the local cafe (which turns out to be 5 miles away), or the erstwhile secluded spots of campus, which do not turn out to be so secluded after all, what with vigilantes waiting for their prey. The female emo (femo) will feel sorry for the male emo's (memo) desperate attempts at winning her heart. Luckily, the femo has her hair fringe so far below her eyes that she cannot see how pathetic the memo is. Hence, the two get along pretty well. It's best to just leave them alone at this point, as they can lash out extremely violently when provoked, and wait for the femo to cut her hair.
Incidentally, as i was writing this, my gtalk notified me of an email from e-bay informing me of special Valentine’s Day offers...

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